No, no, no, me hearties! Don't drink up!
by peacemakern
Summary: Emily thought she was in for a rather boring week, but boy was she wrong. But what has a Barbie doll to do with it? And why is everybody scared of the Chinese takeout food? Read to find out!


Hi everybody! Here's the first chapter of my new story (Which doesn't even have a name while I'm writing this –gulps nervously-). Anyway, I think the story is quite self-explaining (That's at least the point), so I don't think I have much more to say really. Except for the fact that my keyboard isn't working properly. Stupid thing.

Disclaimer: I stole Captain Jack Sparrow last week, but he managed to escape, and is now gone missing. I knew I shouldn't have hidden the rum.

Warning: This fic contains a lot of swearing, too many drunken people, and probably some mattress dancing. Ye be warned!

**Chapter 1**

An unexpected visit

Everything was just as it used to be in London. Busy people walked hurriedly down the streets or onto the tube, those people lucky enough to have the day off, were inside and watching kids, making dinner or washing clothes. Everything was just normal. In a house not so far away from London as its inhabitants liked to think, everything wasn't as it used to be. Out of nowhere, a Barbie doll had appeared in front of Emily Smiths TV.  
Said person had watched "Desperate Housewives" with her best friend Hanna, when the doll arrived. She looked quite busy, and started to talk before the two girls could do much.

"Due to an unforeseen event at the Fiction Factory, we are now experiencing major problems with our location department, and therefore we need your help. Some of the characters are now in need of a home, and after some observing, we have come to this conclusion: "Emily Smith is to take care of some of our fictional characters." I don't know for how long, but I think they will be here in probably…" (The doll checked her watch) "Five minutes."

Emily and her best friend Hanna started at the Barbie doll. Then they stared at each other.

""Fiction Factory?" Hanna said disbelievingly.

"Five minutes?" Emily said in a panicked voice. The Barbie doll smiled at them.

"Yes, the Fiction Factory, and yes, they will probably be here in five minutes. I'm in a hurry right now, you have no idea how hard it s to find foster-homes to these poor characters, so I have to go. Just call me if there's a problem, but don't expect me to solve it." With those words, the Barbie doll placed a card on the coffee table and disappeared with a "plop!".

"Huh?" Both girls asked simultaneously.

"We better prepare… something," Hanna said. Emily nodded. It was her house after all. (Or rather, her parent's house, but she was in charge now).

The two girls went down to the kitchen, and had just started a little fight about whether or not taco was a good idea for dinner ("What if the character is from Mexico?" "What if he isn't?"), when they could hear a loud CRACK! from the staircase.

"That's gotta be them!" Hanna yelled, before both of them ran over to the stairs. No matter what the girl had expected, it certainly wasn't this. On the floor, in one big human-heap, were the infamous fictional characters. They were all unconscious, and it was obvious that they weren't from the same fictional place.

"Oh my God!" Emily screamed, "It's Jack Sparrow!" And so it was. Captain Jack Sparrow. He and some of his friends were lying on Emily's floor. But it wasn't just Pirates of the Caribbean-characters. Emily was pretty sure she saw the entire Fellowship of the Ring down there. This couldn't be real.

Hanna was in deep thoughts. "Emily?" she said, I think we should wake them up."

Emily nodded, and they started to wake up the fictional characters.

After a few minutes, all the characters were awake and sitting in the couch and the chairs in the living room.

"Okay, everybody," Emily said, "My name is Emily Smith, and I'm going to be your host for a while. I suggest that we start with presenting us self. Just say your name and where you are from"

"I'm Captain Jack Sparrow," Jack Sparrow said, "And I'm from the Caribbean."

"Elizabeth Swann, Caribbean."

"William Turner, Will for short, and I'm from the Caribbean."

"James Norrington. Port Royal, Caribbean."

"Lord Cutler Beckett, Port Royal."

"Mr. Gibbs from Caribbean."

"I'm Aragorn, son of Arathorn, king of Gondor."

"Gondor?" Jack Sparrow said. "Never heard of that."

"And I am Gandalf the Grey. I will not tell you where I'm from." Everybody looked oddly at him. "Wizard stuff," he said apologetically.

"I'm Legolas Greenleaf from Mirkwood."

"Samwise Gamgee from the Shire, but just call me Sam."

"Frodo Baggins, Shire."

"Merry and Pippin to your services."

"Boromir, son of Denethor 2 from Gondor"

"Gimli, from the depths of Moria."

"And I'm Hanna, and I'm Emily's best friend."

"Good," Emily said, "Now that we all know each other, do you have any questions?"

"Where are we?"

"Why are we wherever we are, which we don't even know where is?"

"What happened?"

"Why's the ring gone?"

"How did we end up here?"

Emily raised her hands, and everybody turned quiet.

"Okay. I'll try to answer your questions. You are here because of the Fiction Factory. I don't know what it is, so don't ask me. All I know is that today, a Barbie doll came to my house and told me that you guys had to come here because of a big problem in the Fiction Factory. Five minutes later, you guys were in my staircase."

"Well that's just maddening unhelpful," Jack muttered. Everybody murmured in agreement.

Emily cleared her throat. "I suggest that we take something to eat. Are you hungry?"

Everybody nodded eagerly, and Emily guided them to the kitchen.

"What the blazes is this?" Mr. Gibbs said dazed. No wonder why he was so impressed. When you're a pirate from the 17th century, a kitchen from 2007 must've been very strange. The other fictional characters looked just as dazed.

"This is the kitchen," Hanna explained, "This is where we make our food."

"But this is not where we're going to get our food now," Emily continued, "Today we're going to eat Chinese take-out!" Everybody except Hanna looked shocked.

"Exactly what is Chinese take-out?" Elizabeth asked in a small voice.

"Chinese take-out is sacred," Emily said, "And if you show the Chinese take-out disgrace, you will be punished forever."

By now, all the fictional characters were trembling with fear.

"It's just normal food;" Hanna assured them, "Relax."

"Food!" Pippin said, "That remains me about my non-existent second breakfast!"

Everybody stared oddly at him, except Merry, who was drooling when he thought about **his** non-existent second breakfast.

"Right," Emily said in the awkward silence. "Anyway, we're going to eat Chinese take-out whether you want it or not. So could you guys please stay here while I call the Chinese take-out temple?" Without waiting for the response Emily went over to the phone and dialled the number to the local take-out store. In the meantime, the Fellowship stood in a small circle, discussing in hushed voices.

"Gandalf?" Frodo asked concerned, "What exactly is the Fiction Factory?" he Fellowship looked expectantly at the old wizard.

"Once upon a time," he begun, "There was a place where… No, that wasn't the correct way to start… Just give me a second." The others looked oddly at him, before they went back to their previous conversation.

"Do you think this Chinese take-out thing is dangerous?" Pippin asked Merry.

"I hope not," Merry answered, "But you'll never know. I believe it's best that we pay special attention to it. You know, maybe it expects us to go down on our knees and worship it?"

"It's food, Merry."

"Right."

Aragorn cleared his throat. "I think it would be wise if we stay together and don't take rushed actions. We must remember that we are strangers here, and we don't know if there are people with hostile feelings around."

Everybody mumbled in agreement, before they started to plan war-strategies. You know, just in case.

At the other end of the room, Hanna was trying to convince Jack and Will that going outside was **not** a god idea. They wouldn't listen.

"But why not?" Will asked in a whiny voice.

"Because," Hanna explained for the umpteenth time, "We're not in the same time as you're used to!"

"That's not a very god reason," Jack said matter-of-factly.

"Yes, it bloody well is!"

"No, it isn't."

"It is!"

"No, it isn't!"

"SHUT UP!"

"No, you shut up!"

"Aaaargh!" Hanna screamed in frustration.

At that exact moment, Emily came walking into the kitchen.

"Okay, everybody, the food will be here in 20 minutes."

"You waited outside the door, didn't you?" Hanna asked, "So you could make the best impression?"

Emily grinned. "I had to wait for the right moment, hun."

Jack groaned. "It's the **opportune** moment, lass. Opportune." Everybody ignored him. "Oh, and you don't happen to have some rum, by the way?"

A/N: Well, that's it. That's the first chapter! And if you were wondering, the chapter-title isn't referring to the fictional characters, but the Barbie doll. Just in case anyone was wondering.)  
Oh, and if you don't mind, I would be very happy if you pushed the little, light blue (everybody says it's purple, but it's definitely light blue here) button to the left and wrote a few words. That's all I'm asking for. I'm writing **many** words for you guys, so please, do me the favour, okay? –hugs-


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